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Note: The title of this post was the error message I got at many times yesterday when I tried to publish this post. I tried once at about 3:30 PM and a second time at about 6:20 PM, and yet again at 11:00 PM, from different computers, operating systems and browsers all to no avail. I guess blogger was down...again.

Without any further ado, I present to you, at long last...Soliloquy

"It ain't over 'till the fat lady sings"

Or as baseball legend Yogi Berra puts it, "It ain't over 'till it's over."

Yes, when is it over? Recently a friend of mine decided to hang up his chops and move back home to New Mexico. He said that he was tired of the life of the broke musician and felt that in the Bay Area he was going nowhere both musically and in life. He decided to go back to New Mexico, put singing on the back burner and pursue a new career as a firefighter. I'm sad to see him go, it's kinda like I was witnessing the death of somebody else's dream. No, I was witnessing the death of someone's dream.

Will I ever get to that point where my progression just hits a brick wall? Will I ever accidentally burn the wrong bridge and screw up my career? Or am I luckier because I'm a tenor and fewer tenors and more roles for tenors? Will I know when to cut my losses and call it quits?

I don't think so. My philosophy has always been, "do it until you get it right." For example, I go to a steakhouse and order a steak. My steak was not cooked well and wasn't that good. Until I get a good steak I will have a craving for a steak. Same with my singing, if I didn't do it right in my book I'll do it over and over again until I do. Perhaps that is why I've been improving alot in the last year or so.

Lately, as a singer I've been feeling more and more confident and invincible, so to speak. My voice is getting bigger, my musicianship getting better and I'm getting a few good breaks. I honestly believe that I can actually make a living in this business.

A great example of my recent growth is my learning of the famous duet from Les Pêcheurs de Perles (in English; the Pearlfishers) by Bizet (the guy who wrote Carmen). It's typical French opera, meaning the tessitura, or where most of the notes sit, is really high. When I first decided to take on this piece I did not have the vocal stamina to sing near the top of my range for five minute straight. By the time I had to sing my "money note" in the piece (which is a Bb) I just
couldn't do it, my voice was gone. I just went through it earlier today with my voice teacher. I nailed it. Although my high notes weren't perfect because I'm fatigued and didn't warm up thoroughly they were effortless. If you've got your technique down, singing, even the
impossibly high stuff should be effortless.

I know I'm not there yet, but I know I'm on my way.

What if, I just have crappy luck and never get there? Or maybe what if I'm not as good as I think I am? For every one person who makes it, there will be many who have been left by the wayside, this is not just in music, but in sports and in life in general.

I guess that's why I'm spending more time at school desperately trying to raise my 2.85 GPA (I've been getting 3.+ in the last two and a half years to counterbalance my first few years in college as a total alcoholic) to at least a 3.0 so I can get to a good grad school (or law school) in case if my musical aspirations remain unfulfilled.

I have dream, and I'm following it. It'd be a damn shame if I don't fulfill them, but that's why I'm working hard, to ensure my dreams come true. When I let go of my musical dreams I sure pray that it will be at a time of my choosing, when I'm old and chops are gone naturally.